Worth It


Ecc 2:1-3 ¶ I said in mine heart, Go to now, I will prove thee with mirth, therefore enjoy pleasure: and, behold, this also [is] vanity.
I said of laughter, [It is] mad: and of mirth, What doeth it?
 I sought in mine heart to give myself unto wine, yet acquainting mine heart with wisdom; and to lay hold on folly, till I might see what [was] that good for the sons of men, which they should do under the heaven all the days of their life.

Ecclesiastes 2:1-3 (Contemporary English Version)

It Is Senseless To Be Selfish

 I said to myself, “Have fun and enjoy yourself!” But this didn’t make sense. Laughing and having fun is crazy. What good does it do? I wanted to find out what was best for us during the short time we have on this earth. So I decided to make myself happy with wine and find out what it means to be foolish, without really being foolish myself.


Some may be wondering what the heck happened to me at the end of May when I got a bit too drunk and made three trips to the emergency room within 48hrs.

Let me try to explain without seeming as if I were making excuses, and reveal a bit more than even I wish to about friends, enemies and myself.

When I get “stuck” and feel trapped, I can panic and do dumb things…I hadn’t had any wine for several months, which in itself may have been dumb and that may be hard to believe/understand.

At any rate, I had a few bottles of wine stored up because of the fact, and I was home for a month or so after surgery and taking oxycodone, a very addictive painkiller. (Again, no excuse)  I had run out of oxycodone, and could not get to a doctor because I have no car and the walk to the doctor, which I usually make on my own, once a month was too far this time.

And so, I turned to the wine, and was making rather merry of it, until I had too much and became “toxic,” and awakened as one out of sleep, and like a mighty man that shouteth by reason of wine(Psa 78:65), I raised my sword (in this case my walking cane) and smashed a window to pieces in my apartment bedroom…it was the only way I wished to alert someone I lay in pain and could not get up with my lame hip, etc.

As usual, my anti-social neighbors did not think to come to me, but rather to call 911…The last thing I wished for, but the first they ever think of and do for me…(I shouldn’t say anti-social..they are as much prisoners here as I, and of a different generation…perhaps there was nothing else they could have done.)

So, it was a familiar scene, having happened a few times in the past, when I was either afflicted through the malice of my captors, or by my own wish to escape them.

I was rushed to the emergency room, and x-rays were taken and I was given a dose of morphine (I don’t know why) and let sleep for a couple hours, then discharged, and taken back to my apartment, where I proceeded to open another bottle of wine and drink again…I was awakened later by the maintenance man of the apartments and I got rather emotional, hugging him, asking him not to go, etc. Making an drunken ass of myself, and he again called 911 and the same scenario ensued, except that this time, in the ER, I was arrested and taken over to the courthouse across the street (apparently the maintenance man filed charges or a petition) told to return on the morrow and released with a “friend” who took me to her house and left me there, still very drunk. She said she had to go to a meeting and would return, and that I should not drink.

Derr, plenty of alcohol in the house, me on a bender, still very drunk…Great idea! Leave me alone with plenty of booze! I got comfortable and made a stiff drink, and when she returned, as promised, a while later, she found me passed out on the floor…and she and another friend again called 911 and off I go again to the emergency room…All this was to collect a case to have me committed to prison for a month of detox. with the guile of a wizard casting spells unseen but making all the good sense on paper that a court of law may.

It certainly sounds logical that I was the problem and that I was committed for my own good/protection and not that the whole come to pass was the craft of an enemy who lay long in wait to set it up.

Judge how you will, it matters not in this world where none judge rightly.

What came to pass, came to pass of the L-RD’s will and that is all that matters, the reasons why and wherefore are not important, only insomuch as they reveal the hearts and intents thereof of the people involved if we discover what is what and who is whom.

More important by far, is that some good and understanding come of what may have been uncomfortable and inconvenient for many?

Speaking of, it had now been about three days, without food and only alcohol inside me; l already weak from recent surgery which I have still not completely recovered from. Nevertheless, the judge thought it wisdom for me to take an hour drive by ambulance to a prison, not at all prepared to receive and care for the prisoner or civil commit they were about to receive.

The doctor at the facility/institution to which I was committed looked as ill and disheveled as I felt only 100 years and bottles of wine more so.

He astutely surmised that they were not prepared to care for me there and would send me another sixty miles back the way I had come by police car this time to an infirmary at a Super-Maximum security prison. I arrived there at some time after 1am, this day having been the longest of my entire life so far, having begun at 9am, sitting in court or in a holding area for prisoners until 5pm, being the last case heard all day, after having been continued and carried over from the day before, for what reason, is still unclear to me, except that I was to be conveyed to a “friend’s” house and tempted a bit further to destroy my liver? I don’t know.

We’ll leave it at that. 

The extra care they gave me at the infirmary turned out to be, a solitary cell where I was told to “sleep,” but given nothing to help me do so until the following day around noontime or so. The first night, I lay awake and waited for sunrise.

Give me some time to blow the man down.

Now, before you start to think either I am copping out, or that I was being treated unfairly, this is “correction” and how I no doubt deserved to be treated.

I prayed and spoke with the L-RD constantly during this time and throughout the month of June and I learned much and came to understand much.

Anyway, the next day, before noon, a doctor came to see me and said they would have to send me back to the prison I came from, and I felt my grey matter become a little greyer and said I would probably collapse if they tried to ship me back at that time…The doctor said, ”[I] did not belong in a super max. prison [and that] they were not prepared to care for me there” either…No sh*t…

But they did have some mercy on me, gave me Librium and Vicodin that night and I finally got a few hours of disturbed, broken sleep.

Then it was another sixty-mile drive back to the first prison, with all the protocol that that requires; strip searches, chains, shackles, etc.

Anyway, back to the first prison, which is minimum security and more like a camp for unruly boys than prison, albeit all the fences, barbed wire, and locked doors certainly convey the message of correction and loss of freedom well enough, it was a far cry from the eternally doomed feeling at the supermax prison.

Prisons are (forgive me!) “cagey” places, full of “cagey” people, who live and survive according to a completely different set of rules and maxims of politic than freemen enjoy on the outside…but what I found there were more brothers and friends then I enjoy the company of on the outside; victims of the same ploy and Courtly conniving as I had fallen prey to.

I met some great American heroes here and also many unexpected members of the Remnant…Of course, none would claim to be so, nor even perhaps know they were or are let alone why, but G-d showed me in a manner only spirits relating to spirits may understand in a language unspoken.

Jews, not necessarily M.O.T., who know they are Jews of a different sort, creed and colour (that is more colourless than colourful or discernable by sight, for it is embodied by all the colours of the spectrum within, who are born of the Spirit, and not of the flesh, though they must needs take upon themselves flesh for a season, age or “lifetime,” lived in a world or society fundamentally opposed to their existence, never mind growth and prosperity or Unity of purpose, must needs gauge their life’s rewards by a different scale or rule than that of the world’s weights and measures, and I have come to know these instances, moments of passage, meetings of grace, understandings of spirit, as either “worth it” or not, and they are instances, creations in and out of time that we do not always understand nor appreciate until well after they have come to pass, and what we do with these now or do not is what we call or experience as culture, the arts, or psychic phenomenon thereafter and forevermore, or nevermore experience as our collective history; whether related in vain by knaves or by truth speakers as divine oracle, or spiritual prophecy/seeing.

Cultural life may be a beautiful thing and a vehicle for the Spirit to breathe Life into Life, art, music, and theatre, etc. Appropriate rules should be laid down and maintained as with anything that wishes to enhance rather than detract from our shared experience in or out of reality. It is best when it comes naturally from a Way of living such as the Jews bring to the world and essential sacrifices are made by all on behalf of all.
The result is something wonderful yet ephemeral and spontaneously miraculous.

A culture at its best is nothing more than good conversation and company shared and enjoyed.

And whose to be surprised if some of its greatest benefactors/contributors were born or exist in prison? Living the dream in the land of dreams is anything but easy, and to even try may get you locked away or at least shunned.

As a friend recently contributed on FB, “portraits are a creation of ourselves we try to perfect that could never exist”

Another remarked, “That depends on if you’re a Dorian Gray or a Van Gogh.”

My point exactly! It is why they cannot exist that we have been warring against for ages, and most exist in cages for their or as their enlisted dues.

For a nation that boasts so greatly and profusely about freedom, we often act in jeopardy or downright sabotage of the same.

The Jewish Way of life is one of inclusion and equality by Law.

The Gentile way of life is one of exclusivity, privilege, status, bias, inequality, etc. It is selfishness born, oddly enough, of Christianity and wicked humours born of a lamentable result of the same.  Which in a mad-capped way produces entertainment for more than a few, but liberty, happiness, and life for very few.

Thus you must often be even madder than mad to master anything in this world and to produce a benevolent society of charity that assuages the enmity of the masses is what we do, and  is nothing to scoff at and the truly great Americans have done so, in darker hours, being in darkness themselves for the most part, but guaranteed days of light and joy, as with the Jews thanks to their adherence to a covenant eternal and testimony sealed and sacred.

The safety of the flock depends upon their obedience to the voice of the Shepherd. Especially when each member has gone his own way and them as one are scattered abroad, far from Home and Unity of Body.

The reason we Jews fail so willfully or try to “kill ourselves” (John 8:22) is that when a Jew stands firm in G-d and walks at perfect Liberty because of this, no one else may even stand much less enjoy their company, because G-d in the least important man, woman or child is overbearingly righteous. Yet all wish they would and did reap a harvest as brilliant as sun-ripened grain for Him, instead of a desperate harvest reaped amongst weeds. Nevertheless, desperation and failure grant more opportunity for expressions of charity and brotherhood and all things that make life, death, success, and failure so very “worth it. “

Life is a chess match played by G-d and Satan, but it is we, the players and pieces who direct the play according to our obedience or disobedience and love or hate for one or the other. Good intention Vs. Evil. The Law is above either, and adherence to It is assured Victory (Deu 8:3).

All peoples, indeed, all creation become part or pieces in the Game-knights, pawns, kings, queens, etc. The world is populated by well-trained devils (1Tim 4:2) who scoff at and deride the “gods” within their midst upon whom all may prey. Society/Humanity is a game played out often more by beast than man, and when this society robs those who ought to be rewarded and rewards those undeserving even the game itself is robbed of rewards for anyone and all who know why and wherefore it is “worth it,” or not.

“The entire creature we call a gentleman lies deep in the hearts of thousands that are born without the chance to master the outward graces of the type.” – The Virginian by Owen Wister.

People can be extremely petty and stand in their own way for the most absurd reasons most of the time by trying or insisting upon getting their way at all in the world.

The sense of legitimacy that comes through employment and achievement with jobs of security or authority, in particular, is completely false and downright dangerous as far as delusions go.

In truth, the lower you are in the social strata, the more respect, and dignity you ought to enjoy or deserve. The greater or more successful you become by worldly standards, the more the opposite ought to be true, until one become absurd or whatever, though still important and integral to the whole.

The Devil is systematically endeavoring to cancel out all good Kavanah, spirit of charity, and chance authentic so as to create a reality in which she/he controls everything using the pride of all to bring it about.

Psalm 55:15a (Contemporary English Version)

All who hate me are controlled by the power of evil.

How can a war to protect Israel be justified when Israel is not even Israel, the Temple owned by Arab/Muslims?

Israel or Islam?

In Afghanistan US soldiers do more to protect the poppy fields of opiate and heroin production than to ensure anyone’s freedom or combat any terrorist threat under the absurd reasoning that it is the farmer’s only means of making a living; heroin more readily available and cheaply so; more prevalent among white upper-class US children than ever before.

And Heroin For All

I believe it is the L-RD’s intention to pour contempt upon princes (Psa 107:40) and families who have dealt treacherously with the nations and with their own here in the U.S. and have been corrupt in heart’s pride for generations.

Nevertheless, placing no blame on anyone who may do no worse or better than following their leader, let us proceed as best we may, enlightened by the Word.

Psa 78:37 For their heart was not right with him, neither were they stedfast in his covenant.

Hab 2:4 Behold, his soul [which] is lifted up is not upright in him: but the just shall live by his faith.


Remember, Chess is a game wherein a grave measure of patience must be practiced and have its perfect work. Kings count on the impatience of the pawns and pieces of lower rank, i.e., ordinary people’s impatience to reign successfully upon their thrones, moving about very little, if at all, from where they enjoy most privilege and great notability/notoriety. ‘tis the queens what move about the most and take most action on behalf of their kingdoms, to their own untimely demise. But that is the nature of the game. It itself makes no judgment, but being what it is, creates the realm or arena of play.


“History teaches us that men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all other alternatives.” — Abba Eban


Pro 31:4-9 It is not for kings to drink wine, nor for princes strong drink:
Lest they drink, and forget the law, and pervert the judgment of any of the afflicted.
Give strong drink unto him that is ready to perish, and wine unto those that be of heavy hearts.
Let him drink, and forget his poverty, and remember his misery no more.
Open thy mouth for the dumb in the cause of all such as are appointed to destruction.
 Open thy mouth, judge righteously, and plead the cause of the poor and needy.

Ecc 10:17 Blessed art thou, O land, when thy king is the son of nobles, and thy princes eat in due season, for strength, and not for drunkenness!


More to come?

About barzdovg666

I'm a revelationist/prophestylist, and lover and servant of HaShem of Hosts.
This entry was posted in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.