Let’s get personal…the following is a collection of recent communications with many different friends and acquaintances, they all seemed to tie together somehow. Be as mesmerized as I!
"If we can prevent the government from wasting the labors of the people, under the pretence of taking care of them, they must become happy."- Thomas Jefferson
Why aren’t we?
I don’t have much regard for opinions, male or female in origin. But I like people, and find their company comforting when they are not lying in wait to trap or deceive, but rather, authentically receive one another for at least the human beings they should be considered no matter how high or low in standing, no matter how one understands their opinions or not…
I just receive people because they exist, even accepting when they’d rather not, and I ask nothing of them nor judge them by anything more than the honest ability to return this same regard and affection.
I am cut to the soul when betrayed and led astray by someone I trust or admire.
But I cannot control how others may act toward or regard me, nor would I wish to. They must be free to choose as they please, in order for us to have a relationship worthy of being part of. And I always hope people choose the best for themselves and one another. And forgive and urge correction when they do not.
And I do not feel infringing upon people’s freedom nor desire to express themselves as they wish to, nor require that they wear leashes, or suffer imprisonment and be exiled is a legitimate resolution to any misunderstanding.
If you do not like me, or the way I live, then tell me so and I will do my best to correct whatever behaviour is bringing you discomfort. But to phone the police, dog catcher, etc. and take a man’s home away from him through deception and further by misguidance leave him in a bad situation, and forget all about him, when the same individual did all he could to make his home a pleasant and welcoming experience for one and all and went out of his way to invite one and all and bring them together.
I’ll not hazard a reasoning for the general amnesia that ensued after my leaving, and I am troubled by the same preponderance.
It seems I was judged, branded and cast away for doing no more than enjoying what we all had every right to, but which only I took time to appreciate and cherish, without covetousness nor trespass against anyone else.
I feel having me out of the way and acting behind my back is cowardly and even criminal but even that I’ll not judge without inquiring as to why it may have happened. And then I only wish to understand so as to forgive again.
I cannot help imagining other or my own reasons when none are forthcoming from those who’ve thus offended me.
And to be offended by a mistake in thus reasoning seems unreasonable if not untrue.
Dishonesty and adultery in the spirit is the hardest affront to overcome.
But even this, I strive to, and I think we all ought to overcome and forgive for all our sakes.
If I’ve offended, I may only concede I feel the same and I wish to forgive and return to a more accepting mode of companionship.
I am no one’s judge. But I’m nobody’s fool, either, and I am hurt that anyone might consider me to be so, and that they would take advantage of anyone in this way.
That is the trespass in the spirit I speak of that I cannot abide. And I do not think any of you would or do appreciate it either, if you were the ones thus offended.
Everyone has an opinion, I’ll do without them. What I may not do without is respect and consideration due even an animal, if not a friend and neighbor in "human" form.
The kind I believe I showed one and all when living at my Home and the kind that I feel may no longer be available there.
It seems we were a much more considerate and free people when I lived there. And ever since I was exiled, control and distrust has reigned in the hearts and minds of those I welcomed with an open heart and free mind.
Perhaps I am partly to blame for that for speaking out on my own behalf. Who could blame me? It were the least I could do, with the shackles I wear.
I don’t know, America just doesn’t feel like the same nation to me anymore…
If I return, I will bring the same back with me.
So if liberty and honour are offensive to you, I advise you to avoid me, because I may not exist without them. My soul longs to exude their personification.
I change not, no matter what the outward experience may be like.
If I’ve offended anyone. I am mystified as to the reasons why and wherefore…
Since the beginning of time, I cannot think of an occasion when honesty were a trespass unforgivable and love something to fear.
If these traits upset you, I’ll mourn the day I were born for your sakes.
What more may I do?
Wherefore laying aside all malice, and all guile, and hypocrisies, and envies, and all evil speaking’s, I entreat one and all to consider the value of what they may be canceling out and the reward of what you may be establishing in its place.
I would say humanity is an altogether unworthy and lawless spectacle, fit to be tied and cast away. Nay, saved and redeemed even though the former statement be true.
Those who hope in and depend upon the L-RD and serve Him with all their hearts, and minds, and souls, shall have mercy and are perfectly associated and part of that which is Eternally perfect.
Whether or not humanity mar Him in Body, Spirit and Mind.
2Sa 22:31 As for God, his way is perfect; the word of the LORD is tried: he is a buckler to all them that trust in him.
Psa 101:6 Mine eyes shall be upon the faithful of the land, that they may dwell with me: he that walketh in a perfect way, he shall serve me.
1Pe 3:15-17 But sanctify the Lord God in your hearts: and be ready always to give an answer to every man that asketh you a reason of the hope that is in you with meekness and fear:
Having a good conscience; that, whereas they speak evil of you, as of evildoers, they may be ashamed that falsely accuse your good conversation in Christ.
For it is better, if the will of God be so, that ye suffer for well doing, than for evil doing.
It’s never about us or humanity. The humble and the penitent shall have mercy. Justice will not be robbed of Mercy neither shall Mercy undo Justice.
Alma 42:23-25 Mercy claimeth the penitent, and mercy cometh because of the atonement; and the atonement bringeth to pass the resurrection of the dead; and the resurrection of the dead bringeth back men into the presence of God; and thus they are restored into his presence, to be judged according to their works, according to the law and justice.
For behold, justice exerciseth all his demands, and also mercy claimeth all which is her own; and thus, none but the truly penitent are saved.
What, do ye suppose that mercy can rob justice? I say unto you, Nay; not one whit. If so, God would cease to be God.
I know no man’s way is easy, when led astray from G-d. And I wish all strength and grace to endure their own hardships.
Don’t fear, I am not that upset. If I ride someone a little about this or that or make a joke about it, don’t sweat it; I’m never really cross with those I upset or with whom I am upset. If I am, you will know, and I pray it never be the case.
I have a great deal of admiration for the real You, in everyone. And I excuse all trespasses. Because, in this world, even the closest and most beloved of brethren will betray one another before the end comes.
Just remember, G-d is with the humble and contrite of spirit.
G-d loves you and I love you.
Psa 133:1 Behold, how good and how pleasant it is for brethren to dwell together in unity!
Behold! The Two America’s…
Dames, there aint no figurin’ ’em(there isn’t either)…and one may be injured for the tasking…
But a Lady, now a Lady, be a Masterpiece worth putting together, no matter what it cost ye, nor how many puzzles ye may have to decipher. That is why I started building my own, the intrigue alone, called her out, and made her who she had to be to meet or rise to the occasion.
Dames, they’re a dime a dozen and sell cheap and leave you broke. But an Lady, now an Lady, she’ll enrich your soul and you may not purchase the same with all the gold and precious metal under the stars, nor perhaps above them…
Ah, for an container or basket, and the time with which to fill it with fruit, you have no idea how I envy such an opportunity! And to have an helpmate who knows when it is time to be out of the way, to allow you this freedom, oy vey!
Such an one have you? If so be true, good sirs.
As for Dames…well a dog ill and abed is no reason to lose one’s head. After all, the L-rd shall raise even the dead.
And if she gets any busier, it would be a crime worthy of more time than she may do…I think I’ll for sure leave off the consideration and perchance upon a new fascination…
Dames, as you say, to figure, may not be a such an worthy idea as I once thought…
The L-rd, I nevertheless entreat to keep them…Only He could find an use suitable for such as they.
Not that I did not do all I could to make an way for them…Some things, just wont be, no matter even if they were made to…
So be happy and be zealously useful, and ye shall find when in the right state of mind, we’re all now and then, one of the same kind.
I would never leave my "sow" mired, however, anymore than I wish to return to my own vomit. I do not wish to turn myself into something I should not be in order to enjoy the company of someone I love and very much need in my world either. How to make that which is thoroughly unclean, comfortable and useful in some way, and at least touchable if not embraceable, when the same is obstinately denying anyone the right to aide, and finding an way instead to survive and even thrive in a society unlawful and in profound denial, is a work beyond my means and abilities, I fear. So I remain available in any way I may and trust G-d to perform the impossible where mankind and myself may not.
She is sowfish, so sowfish! 🙂
A people seeking a faithful promise, godly assurance and good word, should go to the well spring of them and if I am not one, I’ll be darned if I may point you in the direction of another…other than the Good Book Itself.
We all have a higher responsibility than we may want to admit to or deal with. Yet, nevertheless, in doing so, we find all the answers we may need to deal with every and any problem we may come across
Denying it and pushing it out of the way does not cancel it out, as all have learned, it merely avoids confrontation with it as often as possible and is the route of a cowardly society.
It’s the way many have lived their entire lives long and I blame no one in particular for not being up to the call.
However, there were a time when men were men and honourable at that and Lawful as they may or could be, and had respect unto a Greater calling no matter how low their own personal lives and circumstances became, and particularly because of the same. The glory by association were worth it.
Doing things our own way for our own reasons is selfish and unforgivable by my estimation and I know the L-RD demands more than anyone may give.
That is the calling I wish to answer. The only one worth my time, I believe. And so, in as much as any have remained a friend, willing to put forth even a small amount of time and effort on my behalf, I hope to share a small amount of G-dly right and authority with all and each. That all may be blessed and protected thereby, sustained and satisfied.
And I thank one and all for the personal consideration.
I’m still G-d’s outlaw. But I could be considered beyond Orthodox, I guess… I’m trying to establish a House for the Remnant of Israel to fulfill scripture in building the Third and final Temple in the last of ever-lasting Kingdoms on earth until the very end of Creation.
It is kind of a seer’s and prophet’s business…and I expect no more than the same may be worthy of as a reward from this world, and part of everlasting glory in the Shabbat that has no end.
I’m the afflicted, suffering servant otherwise…At the mercy of my enemies, etc., who may not always be so…For if you have studied Scripture and Judaism to any great length, you’ll find Saints and Sages are often no more than they who control powers that would otherwise be required to do nothing but destroy all the living.
Always been rather laid back and intuitive myself.
Now, I just mesh religion with that manner of being.
Much of my life were a blur to me, I don’t wish recall much of it. Just random pieces and fleeting moments.
After high school was when I hit some tough times…
Been a long, difficult journey since then.
The simplest way to describe it all, is it was just a matter of trial and error with religion, and until I found the Way, walked in It, and It brought me to where I am now. (ala Abrahamic/Moses’ round about route) Not exactly where I’d like to be, but where I need to be, or where the L-RD needs me to be.
Why me? As easy to answer, as it may be difficult to figure…
And perhaps better off left unsaid, at this moment.
It is a matter of blood lines and new wines…
Now, I fear, if you were lost a moment ago, you may be further so now…
But let’s speedily get ourselves back unto the present moment so we will not be lost in reminiscences…
Let me see, without giving too much away or taking the same, what I work for has to do with the casting of bread upon many waters, and return on investment and a gathering in of formerly scattered and dispersed kindred and minds similar.
How is that?
I myself, am mystified now.
Oy vey, I’d be here typing forever, if I were to explain all what’s happened to me.
College was a joke really. I barely lasted a semester at one and/or more at another…
Social life, too much partying, working in Boston, trying to maintain an apartment there, moving back home, hitting depression, suicidal "accident," hospital stay…Following which, I moved out here to western Mass, and encountered a whole new set of problems and successes.
And now because of my own lack of judgment and relying on a friend who turned out to be more of an aide to my enemy perhaps, I’ve found myself in yet another crappy situation.
My Dad passed away during this time, succumbing to a long battle with cancer, that he should never have been enlisted to fight in.
But, all in all, I work well in bad situations, I gather…
The L-RD works in mysterious ways, you know…
I had no religious upbringing, so I was just as dazed and confused as anyone else prior to finding G-d.
Now, all the stuff that I’ve been through makes a lot more sense than it did at the time.
I suppose I was always a sleep-walking Jew, waiting to be awoken.
I remember attending an Bat Mitzvah of a friend when I was young…It was one of the few stirrings to my spirit from the L-RD which I was afforded during my young years. That and a brief stint in Sunday School.
I have found the Way, and walk in It. It is available to all men, Jew and gentile. But few there be who find It, and less still who fulfill It, as I believe I have.
And whom have I to thank but she or he whom I considered my enemy?
Would that I had found It sooner, I may have avoided a lot of pain and suffering, but then the L-RD could not have used me to infiltrate and expose the enemy as He has if I had not suffered all I have.
I know, I sound like a crazy man, sobeit!
I have very much lived in an inspired state since my suicide attempt, and it’s been hard as hell at times, and as wonderful as Heaven may be, at others…
G-d by many hands is endeavoring to establish a House for the Remnant and build the Third Temple and see His Kingdom come upon us right here in Massachusetts, USA. In what I believe is the New Izrael, City of Joshua.
Sounds even more crazy, right?
Well, they mocked the prophets and killed holy men way back when. Yet His Word was and is and shall be fulfilled, in every whit.
I’ve never embraced any Faith until I found Judaism. It is who I am and how Everyman ought to be.
Except that the gentile has controlled the Messiah throughout the ages through deception and brute force, and made a mockery of the Faith at every opportunity, His Word should have been fulfilled long ago and the Jews gathered at several times in history. Instead, they’ve been preyed upon by schmucks and vile individuals not worth mentioning.
The future shall be different, when the Law is returned unto men’s hearts and they walk in His Way of their own hunger, zeal and devotion…
The remainder shall come to know Him through their own destruction, if it must be so…
As someone’s mother always used to say, "Honey, don’t settle for nothin’, until ya get ya’self a nice Jewish Goy."
Look no further…Here I be.
Therefore, something’s remain very wanting in me. For example, my Hebrew is really bad, but I am trying as best a deaf man may to learn the language…
Conversion is an arduous process! I imagine I’ve "converted" on my own without any guidance save that of G-d and written information from many sources, including, but not limited to, Jews for Jesus. Since finding the Way, I have been as observant as you may be, with an enemy constantly at work to side-track and disable me further than I already am, and G-d forgives what one may not do when we also use that time faithfully as well.
A spiritually inclined populace, whether scattered or gathered is more than I could hope for, but G-d does more, He makes it so, and I know of Faith that He will gather us in these Latter-days and we must needs have a Temple for that, but, nothing comes easy, and the enemy of it all is as hard working as we may be.
Ingathering works favours and privileges for many and all, such as lower rent prices/cost of living and more neighborly conduct and reliance…Many may find in doing the Work we should all have been doing all along as a Nation, we’ll find ourselves doing less of the same and enjoying more of the sort that is no work at all really, but service and a thrill to perform.
When we don’t answer the call, we fall, it is that simple, that tragic and that much more difficult to deal with once it has come to pass.
And there is the answer to the question: Why aren’t we happy?
Never fear, however, G-d’s mercy endures forever. And He is good and long suffering and forgives iniquity and does not destroy, turns away His anger and stirs not up all His wrath…
I have no job, live in a low-rent housing facility for mostly elderly people and struggle to pay rent with the little the government provides me with, but that in itself is a considerable task for one so mathematically challenged as I. Yet, in the scheme of things, the situation may have forced my conversion and attention to the Faith to survive.
It may be, as I am sure many know and feel, an unforgiving world. And little respites, such as hearing from an old, long lost pal, is more than I enjoy on many an day. And on many more, I have only the company of enemies, and keepers, who have been unwitting servants to that same conversion, ever intending the opposite. I feel as Yosef, to have been cast away by the brethren and sold to Egypt yet remained faithful to G-d and Israel in any way I might and particularly in His Way, I have. Though obviously, in that, there is much room for error unavoidable much of the time.
Someday soon, we shall all be One in the Faith, even as He is. Until then, we have our means, His merciful promises, and a great, overflowing well of Grace from which to refresh ourselves when necessary.
HaShem be praised!
I’m getting sick, literally because of where I’m at but there is little I may do about it for now…
That’s B-Town, which I hope to transform into B-ville, New Jeruzalem, New Izrael, City of Joshua, USA…If you’ve paid attention to the Scriptures I’ve been sharing in a prophetstylistic manner, you may witness, this is none less than G-d’s Will and Intention. I do what I do as inspired and directed by the L-RD. I was a Jew before I was born, and have always been one from the foundation of the world. I didn’t realize that growing up. I was just loving life and in a state of wonder most of the time.We realize all these things too late, too often,. The vanity of it all!
Yet, what a gift it is to be a wall flower, a spectator, a nobody, and a stranger to even one’s own self.
I wish I had been raised in a more religious world, however.
There’s something seriously lacking in a world without Torah living and G-d.
Reading the Scriptures is like looking in a mirror. It’s all there , every trespass and every devotion, every being, and every encounter we’ve ever had or ever will.
It’s sad when we don’t recognize that in our day to day lives, and make a priority of being grateful for it.
Creation loses its splendor and we lose our heart and mind for what matters most because of what ought to matter least.
I still feel incomplete without an "other half" in my life, but I’m complete in a way that makes enduring aloneness much easier than it would be without G-d or separated from Him.
Be who G-d made you to be, where you are, and never stray nor compromise that for anything. Lest you lose this marvelous right and privilege.
Mat 23:15 Woe unto you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! for ye compass sea and land to make one proselyte, and when he is made, ye make him twofold more the child of hell than yourselves.
I remember a minyan that used to gather and daven in a room across the street from where my Dad used to teach English in private school in Cambridge. At that time, I had no idea what they were doing. I gathered they were praying but never thought to investigate further.
There is no Shul or Synagogue near where I live, and not many Jews, it would seem.
So, as I’ve said, I kind of consider myself G-d’s Outlaw and Invader Zim-rite, and my methods are very contrary to the norm sometimes. For example, I pray the Amidah loudly, probably badly and sometimes in public, the Siddur I use is one I got from Jew 4 Jesus, compiled by Dr. John Fisher, and is comprised of the transliterations and contributions of many Messianic Jews. I find it to be just right for what I am doing.
There is a purity of the work and the manner in which I use it, that has no connection to the world. It is purely spiritual, and I should never use it to gain wages or become employed.
I much prefer the kind of oddity I am and the religious and social outcast I may be.
All my reward comes from G-d alone, and with Him I have overcome many an spiritual and physical adversary.
Not that it is necessarily distasteful or improper to gain a profit of monetary means in the world, through your religion, such as many organizations may, just that I feel to do so, often taints the religion and defiles the product, in a fashion that may be unacceptable if it intend to strive to fulfill, and not just practice so as to make one’s way in the world. But instead, to make the Way available to many unto Heaven.
I wish to be separate and thereby fulfill the Torah rather than be satisfied with merely practicing it to the best of my ability, according to the opinions of men, no matter how learned or gifted in the Faith they may be. Grace far exceeds in importance, gifts, talents and the ability to work miracles. The former is of manifold importance and use unto more disciples than any of the latter.
On the other hand, religion is not much use, if one may not share the experience with his fellows, and be part of an religious community. But to be part of an religion purely for the social winnings of it all, is of no use to G-d either.
G-d has achieved through me, if I may be permitted to boast in the L-RD, somewhat of a miraculous outcome in a community that were mostly heathen, pagan-minded, goy (if that is not being redundant!)…who have been marshaled and drawn into an order if not acceptable at least dramatically improved, as though made ready for war. One which has never had to sell out, nor pander to an worldling; and though defiled and afflicted, as a matter of course and coarser circumstance, is perhaps most beloved and acceptable unto G-d simply for the willingness and sacrifices made to and for one another, in and through a very difficult and chaotic age of religious frenzy and social chaos.
As for conversion, I believe the conversion of the soul and heart to be of greater import than that of the mind and body. When the first is accomplished, only then, may the disciple be ready for the more arduous task of Torah/Talmudic study and practice…"The Kohen is always a rookie," it is written and I know from experience, that most often the only way to learn is to throw oneself into the labour in anyway available, having Faith in G-d to do the remainder with those who look on and within each individual respond to what you are doing, with either a curse, or an "Amen." And frequently, both at once!
The final test is with the Jews and with G-d of course.
I know, more often than not, I am to hear the accusation, "You’re doing it wrong…"
But to this, I would reply, and what makes you sure, you are doing it right? If G-d chose Abraham and brought him out from among his people and made of a small, insignificant one an mighty nation, an one who left his own people and sojourned alone with none but G-d for his companion; being no longer an Judean but the first Jew ever born unto G-d in the spiritual sense, for the mere price or being an friend to G-d and His servant in a way no other were willing or able.
Abraham heard and did as G-d directed Him.
I would consider it more than a lifetime’s achievement to do the same for a single day or moment of my life, and I try to do the same every moment of every day now.
Sorry, to sound preachy or self-exultant, I’m just responding authentically, in the moment and at ease…
I would judge no man for being an shepherd of rustic simplicity in this day and age of mass meat consumption and little gratefulness nor consideration for what it means to offer an pure and unblemished sacrifice unto the L-RD. Nor comprehend what manner of achievement the same may be! I would to be that man!
May any who follow me or shine to my example righteous, be accepted in the Beloved as the same. Living sacrifices, lively stones…Made clean by the Word, and washed in the blood.
Now that I am awakened, it seems tragic that I’m so marred in body and soul, due to all that has transpired in my life.
G-d’s enemies are numerous and the web that works against us so vast, it’s a wonder I’ve survived what I have.
I do think I’ve lost some of my carefree nature, being wronged by too many people I once considered close friends and family.
It tends to wear a person’s humours thin.
The strangest and unlikeliest of persons have come through for me in the end…Forgotten friends from my childhood, etc.
A lot of people have changed dramatically. And many have been through their own rough patches…Struggling with affliction mutual being our meeting point.
I’ve been pretty caught up in doing the work I do and struggling to survive lately, so I haven’t had much time nor energy for keeping up with old friends. But every so often I’ll get a random email from someone and catch up a bit. A lot have kids and careers they are busy with or trapped in the circumstances of, and many live a great distance from where I’m at, so…
Ingathering. As many as may, and to those who may not we have an Internet connection and a love and faith enduring. We’ll find ways to support one another and enjoy Peace, Justice and Prosperity mutual and abundant thereby.
More personal stuff…
I’ve been on psych wards before, mostly due to alcohol/drug related issues, which I’ve overcome.
But after the "suicidal accident" which was more of a coup de etat and murder, if you are that aware in the Spirit, I stayed in an ICU for some time, approximately three months in a comatose state.
I was a mess after that, and had to be physically rehabilitated for a few years.
Then I was a marvel for many years, strong in body, mind and soul, and really shining, but had no direction and temptation and depression crept back in and following bad relationships, co-dependent never-should-have-been’s, I was again close to my end, but through all this the L-RD was with me, and remains so to this day.
Chastised of my own sins and waywardness, I’ve come to realize that most of society is an trap and temptation for the ego and flesh, even psychiatry, and the medical arts should not be trusted in all or every case scenario…Keep it simple, keep it real.
I’m an open book to all these days.
I am very well spiritually and psychically, despite circumstances contrary and in many ways because of them.
Hope to improve them dramatically soon, however, before they kill me. And they are improving, gradually for all as a consequence.
After all is said and done, our worst enemies often turn out to be our best friends and our closest family, trusted confidants, our worst enemies.
I messed up my insides something terrible, drinking sulfuric acid, or liquid plumber…
Still feed by tube, operation to reconstruct my esophagus failed…who knows, maybe some day I’ll have another…I’m expensive and cumbersome to feed like this…
Not to mention, I miss eating, especially sharing meals with others, etc…
It is unusual how we recall things of seemingly little importance.
There must be some deeper meaning in that.
I had a nurse, or PCA while I was in the hospital- a charming fellow, played soccer when he was younger, was lured into hospital work by an urge to give something back to the community. (Soccer, a vapidly boring to watch but interesting sport to me, in that it is all eye, foot dexterity and conditioning, rather than hand and foot. Anyway, a weird sport, not that my opinion about sports matters much…) He was in very good shape, but had slowed down due to his need to work in the hospital and other distractions of life. So that he shared with me his disappointment at having lost some of his earlier talent for the game and his strength had waned as well; his mobility and endurance, etc., had diminished.
But he was healthy and in good spirits, just cumbered with too much else, having had children and dropped out of school to provide for them, that sort of thing…
And the work he was in caused him to do more sitting around, watching and well, not being terribly active, so he was a bit depressed by it.
I felt badly for him, because he obviously had a very keen spirit and should have been placed in a better situation and provided more assistance in the area of raising children and the demands of life in general. It is unfair to make so many people work for madness and vanity while families and aspirations noble are neglected.
Evidentially, we are all sort of trapped by the American way, methinks and need to work our way out by any means necessary
Feels as though we are caught in our own will to tyranny.
Deliverance or destruction loometh in the near future methinks for many an soul.
Let us hope to be found among the former.
At any rate, he was working on a cancer ward in a hospital, sitting 1:1 with patients who were considered a flight risk…and helped me by being a constant witness that I were nonesuch at all, neither was I very sick, nor mentally ill.
I noted that he himself was becoming a bit "ill" being around sick people so often…the air one must breathe, the sickness one must come into contact with, the defiled content one must deal with and remove, day after day…It is quite a sacrifice for any and every person who may be thus employed, and impressive should one find time to volunteer for the same.
I just thought he deserved honourable mention here, and I hope to see him again someday. He was really a special person.
I’m no psychologist, however, and have no degrees to boast of. I failed to perform in college and never really graduated high school. They kind of gave me a diploma out of pity after my suicide attempt, which also failed…
I’m an all around failure. At least I do a complete job in not completing any job at all.
But now I note that G-d has been with me mightily all my life long and remains my strength and what I boast of most proudly. I seek none other reward in this world than to serve Him with all my heart, mind and soul. And it mayhap, and often feels as though He leaves me whenever I do try to accomplish anything the world might lead me to believe is necessary.
Hence, my mission has always been to establish this House, more than a House really, but that will be the first step in a journey toward the establishment of a Third Temple and Final Kingdom of G-d on earth.
And it has always been my enemy’s mission to disrupt this and oppose G-d’s Authority and do with me as he may, as long as I would stray- I would fail…And as long as I would succeed in the world, I would suffer for it.
Right now, it remains so much talk and dream, for I’ve lost control of the House and its’ fate is in the hands of judges nonesuch.
Yet, I am negotiating with the same constantly, and have seen much success recently.
Would that I weren’t so feeble in body, I might rally some sort of force and fight for it as in days of yore…
Nothing ever came of such though, the House always needed a G-dly Head, so I endeavor to maintain that much within myself and hope the remainder will come about because of the majority’s voice of "Amen, make it so."
Nowhere but in America could all this have transpired and come about as it may have. Getting there is half the fun, eh?
I would it were time to enter however, and so, "In it’s time, the L-RD will hasten it…"
The years do tend to go by in bunches nowadays, don’t they?
And though I have seen some rather uncomfortable ones in the past few, I have
shed much light in them.
I’ve been working like an man possessed of something Holy, since I came out of my coma, sometimes aware of it, sometimes nay, and have seen some very hard years in that!
I’ve healed so many times and come back from such deadly states of affliction…
G-d be praised, but I’m still living in a bad place with a lot of sick people around me, who are, as a consequence, I take none responsibility for, giving all glory to G-d with me, healing themselves in many ways!
It’s like a war zone sometimes, and just to keep your own space clean, is a major battle everyday.
But it also keeps me vigilant and constantly aware of the price of slipping up.
I owe my mother, family and neighbors for the gift of putting me in this situation. Farking geniuses! But I forgive what misunderstandings led to this and am even grateful for it, now that I know G-d was behind or above all the decisions made and may have stepped in at any time to stop what was happening. But there is a point to Saints and devoted sages and disciples suffering what our enemy may dish out.
This whole scenario is my enemy’s plotting and design/desire. Wishing to blot me out somehow../and he takes great pride in thinking he may be chastising a servant of G-d, believing himself to have controlled G-d thereby in some way. G-d has stayed with me and kept me from falling because G-d loves His own, and they love one another, and He does not give them up for anyone, and may not be controlled by anyone. I’m tiring and angry at times, of course. Nevertheless, His Will be done. My enemy may take pride in whatever fantastic notion he may. He has done nothing and less and only and ever corrupted that which was whole and good and even perfect, and made it seem otherwise, by inflicting innocent souls and then being there to profit in aiding them when thus afflicted in a manner more costly than helpful.
Hell of a trial!
As I’ve said in the past, I’m very skeptical about cancer research/treatments…My Dad went through hell with that, Chemo, the whole nine yards, and then died, in a lot of pain…I’ll never submit to anything like that, I should hope…
Seriously, don’t let even "experts" and doctors railroad you into a bad situation…My Dad was such a victim of believing in the medical arts and the opinions of doctors, when what he may have needed were no more than authentic Judaism, in practice.
When we’re brought low in the world by illness, sin or whatever, that is when the same saves those who have fallen.
I mean, stay well by any means necessary and make good use of common sense, etc.
But cancer’s agents are everywhere and it’s kind of absurd, the manner in which they "treat" it. It usually leaves a person more of a victim and a life long one at that.
No dung, I had to move mountains just to get a release from the hospital I was in and the whole time I was there it felt like some were doing all they could to make me sick and convince me I was ill, at least among the doctors, I was saved by the lesser workers of importance…and of course G-d with me…
Rather believe in miracles of healing than medical science, I’ve found…but use medical science to aide whenever possible or is found to be wisdom.
I mean, every time we sin, we expose ourselves to Death in some way, are you going to be able to keep yourself from that forever? Unlikely, in today’s day and age, so make use of the deeper truths of Judaism’s religion, when you may no longer be a pure vessel of Judaism authentic or Christianity proper.
If that makes any sense at all.
We’re at war…May the Angel of the L-RD have our backs.
I did not mean to infer that anyone knowingly had a part in doing me any wrong. I simply mean that by inadvertent association which could not be helped for the sake that we all must survive in this world and often find ourselves stuck or rutted in jobs that pay our bills but frequently defeat the purpose of having them at all, leads us to become part of an terrible error which we must or may make work but never justify. Not that I were never helped by the medical arts, and received many an solution and aide in keeping me on my feet and striving for G-d, but that in as I have said before, each and every situation, there were always an agent of good and an agent of evil working in the same institutions for either one purpose or the other, mixed together by the tragic reason of chance and employ…
I am beyond grateful when I find some may at least be trying to be part of the solution. Knowing this much helps all endure what ought not to be, as tough as it is on the same. That is life and no one ever said it would be fair nor easy when found out of the Way.
Simple fact is, the checks and balances of our nation’s economy have not been authentically checked upon nor been in balance for who knows how long…
And more citizens are preyed upon through the health and welfare system than any other means of doing so…
It’s all so much bull dung, dear ones, forgive me for being crass.
And to have people I wish to care for and love without encumbrance, tied up in it all, endeavoring to extract some semblance of personal worth and meaning for their lives, makes me sad if not angry.
I would that all might be free of this cold machine so many depend on, this capitalistic smorgasbord of monolithic, opportunistic, philanthropists nonesuch, ruining our culture and nation with their learned opinions and solutions nonesuch and again.
What I should not give to replace all the madness with a simple system of charitable, Torah living, I do not know, and it mayhap the price is none less than the sacrifice Covenantal.
Therefore, as I’ve always reckoned the price of seeing a Temple risen is a Temple destroyed. And should I be crying bloody murder or alleluia!?
There is a Joker in us all. But I am not the sort who would stoop to sarcasm when sincerity is clearly superior and available to one as to all?
Now, I tell you, if you have imagined up some sort of rapscallion in me, it is clearly a dementation of your own psyche that has nothing to do with reality or yours truly.
MANY have assisted me, yes. As in, been of aide, help, etc. And why not, they were available for it. The willingness was all. And I very much appreciated it, and I believe each individual who did, knows if the shoe were on the other foot, I would have done more or the same for they. I merely wish to increase our chances of doing so in every situation by inducing a state of godly devotion in One as in all.
Only our pride and delusions many keeps it from being so, and when you feel empty, such are often more important than restoration and reconciliation, so that we find ourselves clinging for dear life to that which is nonesuch whatsoever, for or out of sheer desperation to be. Frequently canceling ourselves out in the very effort. Not that any of us are not always on top of what we need to be doing alway, and never falling behind nor found in slack or want, and I would never suggest even an similitude of the same possibility ever coming to pass, but it is nice to gain a little help from an friend now and again, no?
This is what many consider humanity to be all about, yes?
We’ve all a vein of coward and hero in us, I imagine…We just need the right opportunity/helpmate/enemy to bring the better out of us.
It is important that we find the right source of inspiration when driven to acts of heroism in particular…
Some more personal history…
My Dad were all Irish, I imagine…
But the Mc in him was purely alcohol.
He was an English Master, and that were the better in him before he met the bottle and then cancer. May he rest in peace…
It is from my mother, I assume, I get my Jewish blood, although she rabidly denies the same…I imagine that is her way of being faithful in an antisemite world…She was adopted by Catholic Swedes…
Master Gannon was no alcoholic. He imbibed from time to time, and as I say that is when the Mc in him was most likely to come out…He’d get his Ire up, if you follow my meaning…
Were the cancer that got him, and that were more an consequence of enviroment, situation and association that he aquired cancer when he was actually in a state of penitence struggling to overcome and trapped in the world by obligation, than anything alcohol related…Alcohol thereafter may have been an inappropriate mercy, but who may blame a fellow who is dying anyway, for drinking his sorrow away. It is unfortunate for he and many that when you are in such dire need, that is when alcohol may become hard and incovenient to come by.
Nevertheless, Pro 31:6 Give strong drink unto him that is ready to perish, and wine unto those that be of heavy hearts.
Our world is so screwed up in it’s reasoning…
Such is also why I may have suffered all I have. The enemy merely has that many more cunning devices and ways of persecuting the just and the righteous than ever before…The Game remains the same, as ever it were from the beginning.
It’s a woman’s world and a mother’s mercy and woe betides mankind in such times as these…
But either way, it is the spiritual Jew I have become that I am proud of, and the practicing one which I try to be daily that matters most to me, and I hope G-d.
An British Israelite, I feel myself to be, spotted by association with just about every and any culture, nation and race under heaven.
The G in BdG once stood for "Gannon" and the B for "Buddy" or "Bernard."
Barzillai dov Ganya is the Hebrew equivalent of Bernard Robert Gannon.
I’m currently residing in a part of Templeton, MA known as Baldwinville, or as I have come to call her, B-ville. A couple hours drive West of Boston.
I gather now, all of the above were part of the Transformation from "Buddy" to Barzillai.
I must say, I enjoyed the carefree way of the former, but the latter is more rewarding in many ways, although by no means easier to endure the companionship of…Therefore, I myself have frequently sought to scourge my own memory…Alas! to no avail, I remain conscious of me. My memory remains intact despite what I may have indulged in to do away with the same on occasions frequent at times. But none at all since perhaps a good seven or more years ago.
And perhaps G-d, in His infinite wisdom has a reason for this, and it is that which I am seeking to discover, uncover and make plain to one as to all.
Otherwise, my life is not very remarkable, and down right boring much of the time…however much I strive to make it interesting. And this I’m not too upset over. I’ve always found comfort in the expected and even mundane…
It makes the unexpected and thrilling, that much more of a surprise, wonder and thrill…when they do arise.
I would only for companionship and fellowship sadly absent these days.
But having a computer has somewhat alleviated the pain and sorrow of enduring the aloneness of it all. I don’t feel as cut-off as I may have otherwise.
I am really quite pleased with my life in many ways…so, I will not weep over some spilt milk or lost familial connections.
And there may be new ones to establish in their place…More lasting and meaningful than those which may have been of none importance to those whom I assumed they were.
Not my loss, after all…And if my presence were so difficult to endure for those I once called family, I am glad they are rid of me.
But, I’m being overly dramatic…
I have not altogether lost touch with family, but there is a serious rift and injury to overcome…
At any rate, my world is consumed now with a zeal for G-d and His kingdom…practicing Judaism; and seeking to turn that into a means of birthing this new me, required a New Name, which came by inspiration of the Aforementioned…
So life may still be sweet from time to time, I am just remarkably tired and have little strength, though enough to do what I must on the day to day…
I’ve received solace and comfort from several unexpected sources of consolation…
What I wouldn’t give to be a member of some Sunday morning coffee clutch! Most have a daily need, and constant withdrawal to suffer with.
But nay, I wish to leave the church that drinks of the muddy waters, from the Chalice of Alice and join the synagogue that refreshes itself from the pure wellsprings of eternal salvation!
I don’t drink coffee, but I understand the need of it for many…And gladly put on a pot for any guests who desire it/need it.
I have been weeding out bad habits in my small garden space of a life religiously, and the day has remained an pleasant one for Us who have, and my sadness has up an flown away…That in itself, is kind of a sad thought…Misery loves company, they say, and since I have none, I must be happy? And they who have it, sad?
The Internet does afford me with many connections and fellowship of a sort, rarely on the same wavelength, but it is a small comfort nonetheless…Touched and touching in some way is better than not to be touched at all…
I do not mind loneliness, I have always been kind of lonely and a loner, so it is nothing new.
I just know that I have suffered an injustice I should never have and so I am angry and my anger has no outlet, which leaves me despondent, and sad that they who persecute the just and cast out the righteous, thwart their own ability to be helped in some way and to overcome much more easily that which they have made difficult, if not impossible for many.
Such is Tyranny of the Meek not to be suffered…Yet in this nation, it is a way of "life."
But when people wish or make it so, it shall be. Until overcome or overthrown.
I pray for both and either daily.
We’re in an awful, insufferable situation on the Whole, and I hope to aide many in making the necessary changes and adjustments that shall bring a multitude of tender mercies and comforts to one as to all.
The willingness is all. Pride must be cast out, if not at least set aside, until it may be once more taken up by All with proper respect unto the Originator of all Goodness and Grace.
Well, enough of this inaugural address.
Let one and all enjoy what they may and mourn for what they ought, and may this be sufficient means of procuring whatever gets Us and They through what We must.
Amen and Yom tov.